Those Phrases shared by A Father Which Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the truth soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger inability to open up between men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of being weak to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to request a break - taking a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."